Nobody could agree about the exact details, but everyone said she was the most beautiful woman in the world. The cook and the King were skeptical.
“She might be a sorceress, or she might not. Anyway, rumors often exaggerate. Even if she is incredibly beautiful, it’s what’s inside that counts.” the cook pointed out. The King nodded.
“I agree completely. Take this, for example. It looks like an ordinary pie. But when the filling explodes onto your taste buds, bursting into tasty Blueberry fireworks, staining the tongue with the tart taste of unabashed culinary excellence, and etching indelible pleasure into sweet memory, it is far more than an ordinary pie!” He wiped his mouth.
“That was poetic,” said the cook.
However, the King and the cook were unable to stifle their curiosity. Eventually, they invited the lady to the castle. She was everything the stories said, and more. Both men fell head over heels in love with her. This had an unfortunate effect on their friendship.
* * *
“Jon! This is incredible! You’ve outdone yourself.” cried the Lady, nibbling a pastry delicately. She was dressed all in white and looked quite stunning. Jon smiled shyly. The King, who was sitting beside him, chewed on a piece of bread with alarming intensity. “Honestly, has the King never told you what a good cook you are?” The King savagely gnawed another chunk off of his breadstick.
“I respect a man who can cook, and you have a rare talent! They must miss you in Torwick!” gushed the Lady.
The cook smiled at the praise. Then he cast a startled glance at the King, who was holding his lip. It was bleeding.
“Bi’ my lip” said the King, and left the room.
* * *
The day of the annual Harvest feast, which was held outdoors in the beautiful royal gardens, the King had his seneschal do all the announcing. While the seneschal was droning out the necessary formalities, he took his place at the head of the table beside Jon and the Lady. Noticing with annoyance that Jon was flirting in a disgusting manner, he cleared his throat and whispered,
“Cook – ah- Jon, I made another pie. Why don’t you try this one? It should be better than my first.”
Jon and the Lady looked pained, but Jon was eager to make amends, and bravely took up a spoon. It was a large wooden ladle, too big for eating with, but it was the first thing that he grabbed. He poked clumsily at the pie. There was an interminable pause. The King began to sweat. It was poisoned. The ladle pierced the crust with a crunch. Jon winced. It was more than a little overdone. The filling was unrecognizable. He dug in, and the pie parted with an ominous schlup. Globs of glistening jelly fell from the spoon. He closed his eyes and slowly opened his mouth.
“What, bit your lip again?” said the Lady to the King. Jon opened his eyes.
“Are you all right?” he asked. The King nodded weakly. Before Jon reluctantly returned his attention to the pie, the Lady spoke.
“Jon, Your Majesty, I’m sorry to bring it up now, but I must. I’m afraid I’ve destroyed a friendship. I hope you can understand what I’m going to do.”
Jon was concentrating on a wobbling spoonful of piecrust and jelly. The King twitched. Oblivious, the Lady continued.
“I think it really is time.” She got up and smoothed her dress.
“Jon, you’d better watch too.” Jon looked up, his mouth full of pie. The King’s face was contorted into the oddest expression. The Lady looked solemnly at them, her beautiful brown eyes full of emotion. And then she vanished. Jon choked on his pie and the King made a strangled noise. The King sprang across the table and pounded Jon on the back. Jon was trying to say something but it was unrecognizable through the coughing and wheezing. Finally, he spit out the mouthful. The King seized the remaining pie and hurled it into the garden. Everyone at the feast was staring. Then the Lady reappeared. The King and the cook were speechless.
"I am the stag," she said. And she became the stag, just as the King had seen it the year before. The dumbfounded court gaped for a split second, and she was off in a blur of white.
"After her!" roared the King, and the whole court surged forward, knocking drinking goblets and cutlery in every direction, upending tables and shouting madly for horses and ropes. It was a glorious chase: they pursued her out of the gardens and into the countryside, up and down the wooded hills, through the brush along the river and into the woods again. The hounds bayed uproariously and the hunting horns trumpeted, and they very nearly caught her, but it is one thing to hunt a stag with weapons, and quite another to catch it with nets and ropes. Though the King and the cook turned the whole country upside down in their search, they never did catch the stag. Eventually, however, the lady's absence cured the king of his madness. It is said that the cook generously forgave the king, and they became friends a second time, on the condition that the king would never bake another pie. It is also said that every Harvest Feast after, the cook baked a special pie just for the king. And at every feast, it is remembered that the king always pronounced his first bite "bittersweet".
The End
For some reason, the font sizes keep changing on the fly. Hopefully it's not too distracting.
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