I want to make clear that 1) for certain people, this is going to be a bit of a buzz-kill, and 2) this is about true zombies - the living dead. This is not about I Am Legend zombies, which aren't really zombies because they haven't died. They have a virus, which is a whole different issue. In fact, if we are going to worry about this sort of thing, viral diseases should scare us a lot more than the possibility of a true zombie apocalypse. Here's why.
In the event that a true zombie apocalypse actually happened, (what could cause millions of people to come back to life as decaying versions of their former selves?) zombies would be kind of pathetic. I don't buy the super strength, super speed, or super anything that have become attributable to zombies in popular culture. Any real zombie (again, assuming that a dead body could come back to life as a zombie) would be, at best, equal to a regular human in intelligence, strength, speed, endurance, and all those other things we need to know about to optimize our chances of survival.
Presumably, zombies are simply reanimated humans. So the materials they have to work with are limited. And depending on the stage of decay they are at when they regain consciousness, the weaker they are. I mean, an ancient corpse would be pretty gross, but really incomparable to say, a healthy grizzly bear. If it falls apart before it gets to you, it's just not that bad. Fresher corpses would be more problematic, but at least they wouldn't look quite as gross.
How could a fresh zombie function, actually? My friend explained to me that in some zombie shows, the brain is somehow reactivated, but certain parts of it no longer work (areas corresponding to personality and speech, for example). Motor control is a bit sketchy, to all appearances, but not completely absent. For my part, I've noticed that the one area where zombie flicks are universally consistent is the depiction of decay in the average zombie's inner ear. (Why is lurching so scary, anyway?) At any rate, if the inner ear can decay, why not the brain in general? Why should motor control be preserved at all? Why don't reanimated zombies get tired? Don't they run out of energy? What about respiration and circulation? If they run out of blood, how do they keep lurching along? If they do eat, their digestive systems must all be miraculously intact, right? If they have a sense of touch, how come they usually shrug off massive injuries?
Let me explain - No, there is too much - let me sum up. True zombies are subject to way too many limitations to pose a huge threat. And as far as I can see, a real zombie apocalypse is pretty much out of the question anyway.
Uh.
I mean, in case you were in doubt.
'Cause I wasn't.
Nice little Princess Bride quote tucked in there ;)
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to the inner ear, I'm not sure if it is decayed at all. Maybe the inner ear is functioning fine, but the motor control is just not fully functional. They lurch because they do not have complete control of their muscles, like if your leg falls asleep.
I think their entire body stays fairly well intact (depending on how long they are dead) and it's the brain that's the problem. Their circulatory system won't work well because that part of their brain is faulty. And since, in most zombie fiction, a person becomes a zombie fairly soon after dying, then the body must be in pretty good shape (though maybe with a few zombie bites here and there).
James, we MUST be ready for such a possible event... will you be my wingman? (But not in the "hey, this guy's a pretty good guy, you should date him" sense... more like "kablammo, another dead zombie that was about to join you for afternoon tea".)
As you wish.
ReplyDeleteSorry, couldn't resist :)
Yes, in the eventuality of a zombie uprising, I'll be your wingman in the kablammo sense. That's what friends are for, right?
PS I see what you mean about people becoming zombies quickly rather than over a period of years and therefore stay intact. Isn't it weird how movies seem to go with that premise but at the same time promote the feeling that if the main characters are caught, the zombies will rip them to shreds?
This is a distinct possibility as well. If there is a large group of zombies, then there will be enough collective hunger to consume an entire human being. Therefore the human will be "ripped to shreds".
ReplyDeleteHowever, the conversion of a man into a zombie usually occurs when the danger involves only one or two zombies who take a couple of hefty mouthfuls and leave their unfinished meal behind like the rude citizens they are. The man will then become a flesh addict like those who gave him the ticket to mindless consuming of meat. Much like introducing someone to McDonald's for the first time, however the term "fast food" would refer then to the velocity of the food rather than the amount of time it takes to be prepared (although that is admittedly quick as well).